#the intimacy of being known or smth

[shorlinesorrows]

mom you don’t understand I don’t want romance or sex I want to be woven into a single body with an alien symbiote and trade snarky commentary to each other constantly and never ever be alone ever again because we’re physically bonded together

[tyunn1ngz]

taehyun nsfw alphabet

cw: maybe afab implications? i think it’s pretty sex neutral tho and as always no gender is directly stated!

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

pampers u with soothing words and gentle touches, wrapped tight in his arms w ur head on his chest so u can listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat<3 him giggling when he cups ur face after he cleans u up, ur just so cute when ur all tired out :((((

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

on him his arms and his stomach ,,,,,, beautifully toned and just ......................... AAAAAAAAA. riding him w ur hands on his abs when u try to steady urself, his breathy laugh w his hands aiding u in bouncing in his lap .,,, the strength hes got that he basically does the work all himself. anyway.

on u probably ur lips, loves loves lovesssssss kissing u so much(>ω^) loves how they look when ur mouth drops open, pants and moans of pleasure, pleas for more; all falling out in a haze... and also just maaaaaybe a little obsessed w how they look around his cock :o

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

thick but i think it'd probably actually taste nice is that just me

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

loves to film himself getting off and just taking nudes in general idk how many times ive said this but ill continue to say it bc i know im right ok and im fr gonna start begging everyday to see them

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i think yes, even if its just a little and he definitely knows what he's doing. he was going to be good at anything he does regardless, that shit is always in his nature somehow but now that he's been around just a tad he really knows exactly what he's doing (×_×)

f = favourite position (this goes without saying)

riding, u in his lap or on his face is actually to die for in his opinion. or just any other position where he can really showcase his strength to u, he's not fussy on the details ;p

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

a mix of both but more on the serious side, loves spitting filth that has u trembling just a little harder— but is just as obsessed w ur laugh as he is ur moans, so maybe during foreplay he'll caress u in ways that tickles just to get u giggling before he really breaks u down <3

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

trimmed nicely but not completely shaven cuz that shit gets itchy growing back in

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

intimate w him means almost no space between u, and nothing exists outside of u two and the throes of pleasure at those exact moments. and while it’s not technically romantic he loves telling u ‘i’ve got u baby’ and smth abt the way he says it always just has ur stomach swooping a little w butterflies

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

piggybacking off of answer d, i don’t think he’d jerk off a whole Lot if he can b with u instead but he absolutely makes a show out of it everytime. barely cums unless he’s looking at himself and if thats narcissistic literally WHO cares

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

besides the strength kink, biting and being bitten r huge ones for him— not only does the sensation make him cum a little harder but smth abt the possessiveness of it all that really just does it for him— ur his only and he’ll make that very well known!!!!!!!

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

he took u in his studio once and hasn’t stopped thinking abt it ever since. that’s all i can really give u on that

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when u assert urself when u kiss him, ur confidence in an outfit u feel particularly hot in, probably even would pop a stiffy over if u simply just said smth really smart— or even if u said smth dumb tbh, feed into a little bit of dumbification, make his ego a lil bigger cuz he has to be the smart one in the relationship

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

probably a no to stuff like cnc, and nothing too painful or that will draw any blood— just a little pain is enough!!!

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he has no preference but he is a bit of a sucker for a blowjob bc !!!!! he loves ur lips!!!!! remember!!!!!!! (imagine his chest heaving and dark eyes looking down at u when u give him head and his hands gently pushing ur hair back and telling u how good ur doing even if u literally arent—as long as ur enthusiastic hes going to fall apart w u between his legs wooooooo boy)

when it comes to giving im telling u for the billionth time SIT on this man’s FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

prefers rough and fast, fucks so feral and so nasty and knows just how to roll his hips so u curl in on urself its so hot (//∇//)

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

loves a good quickie imo, spontaneous raw desire and the thrill of it all can really get him off at times. a little obsessed w fucking u up the way he wants and watching u struggle to make it look like u weren’t doing anything sus at all when u both rejoin all ur friends<3

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

yes!! he’d have some hard limits that he’d say no to and that’d be final but outside of that he’d try almost anything at least once!

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

i imagine it would either be one round but it could go for hours— or several rounds that aren’t as long, i don’t really imagine him being the type to go all night but hey if ur still horny he’ll get u off again however he can ฅ/ᐠ. ̫ .ᐟ\ฅ

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

probably not many if any at all, he can make u cum so easily w just his fingers he hadn’t rly seen a need for them but he’s game to try whatever— vibrator, cock ring, handcuffs, whatever u wanna try baby!

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

big tease, but also sometimes its not on purpose he genuinely just loves the feel of ur skin on his, so his touches that seem fleeting and like they’re meant to rile u up because hes not really touching u where u want; thats not on purpose!!!! ur just so soft and u feel so nice </3

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not very loud, loves to groan right into ur ear though bc u grow a little louder in response, so reactive :3c he’s a panter, little grunts and whimpers but all breathy and just for u to hear only nobody else Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

really really wants to try a threesome w one of his friends, someone else in txt the most likely. would even settle for one of them just watching the two of u fuck, it makes him a little crazy to think abt but he doesnt even know why

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

average length but thick … and he knows how to use it….. takes long drag of cigarette…

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

pretty average libido until he starts dating and has sex w u for the first time bc then i think itd be thru the roof im ngl here he just wants to have u all the time hes obsessed w u and everything is just so exciting

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

pretty soon after u guys clean up but u can tell he tries his hardest to stay up to talk w u a little longer— but u guys r so cozy and so tired out that he can’t keep his eyes open and neither can u, fighting sleep together w delirious giggles while ur all tangled up in his arms<3

[svgvru]

✮ 𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘 𝗔𝗦𝗞𝗘𝗗: idk if you'll accept this request, but some jjk men x male reader head-canons of them taking care of depressed!reader? (they're secretlyin love with him) maybe a gf or friend died or smth and they notice reader is becoming depressed?

𝗗𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧! ꒰ gojo, geto, nanami, yuuta / m!reader ꒱: mentions of death,depression, weight loss, panic attacks, ptsd, and anxiety. angst, hurt/comfort, these hcs are alot take caution.

𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 isnt for the faint of heart, but sometimes there is no choice. and something that comes with the price of being a sorcerer is that death constantly surrounds you. whether or not your partner is a sorcerer or not, they could be killed at any moment. and you were aware of that, but in the moment pain unlike any other struck. it hurt, it burned, it made you want to throw things, fight, anything to relief the pain. they watched when you brutally killed the cause of your partner's death, anger and grief coated on your face. it hurt for them to see you like this. so broken, unlike how you are normally. when they wished they were with you, that you didn't already have someone, thi sis not what they meant. so they do everything in their power to help you feel better.

SATORU GOJO

꒰ satoru would be the man to give you some space. whether it was him during his teenage years or him in his adult life. he understands how it feels to lose someone, and to grief. so at first he gives youspace, offering help to you if you need it, carefully keeping watch on you while sticking to a distance. and after a while, bandage or blindfold, he could tell something was wrong. you stopped talking, stopped eating, your uniform didn't quite fit anymore. he didn't notice it until he thought about the times youpushed away his generous offers of sweet treats. he noticed the eyebags, and the dullness of your once bright eyes. he had to help.

꒰ the regret (PTSD) that he wasn't able to save his best friend years ago still stuck to him. he mentally punished himself for missing the signs that something was wrong, that suguru needed. there was no way, he was going to let the man he loves so much reach the level that suguru went to. he quicklyand desperately lunged to help. he reached out hishand and no matter if you pushed him away, cursed him out, threw something at him, he'll drop infinity and wrap you in his gargantuan arms and gave you ahug you desprately needed. he gives you the intimacy you pushed away from. he lets you cry on intimacy you pushed away from. he lets you cry on his shoulder, just holding you, no matter how long it takes, he'll hold you until you fall asleep in his arms. he'd never put you down, he probably wouldn't say a word.

꒰ talk? he'll listen. need to punch something? he'll train with you. his hands were gentlewith you, they wipe away your tears and hold you close, giving you the warmth you so desperately need. and slowly but surely he'l encourage you. he'll delicately push you to hang out with him and shoko once in a while. he'll hand you small meals that get abit bigger after a certain time. he'l give you his sweets and ever so carefully slide his hand intoyours. and if you jerk back he won't get mad, hell be hurt, but he understands. he respects your boundaries. but if you let him hold your hand, you'll see the happiest satoru giggling about some prankhe pulled on nanami. he'l slowly do somewhat romantic things, or he'll plan things that force you to socialize.

꒰ would carefully test the waters with you throughtout the years. he never wanted to be too soon with making his feelings known, so he was patient and waited until you looked much healthier. he waits until you finally start choosing to social,choosing to smile, to go on missions again. satoru gojo loves you, he always will, even if you don't love him back. but he'll always make subtle tries. whether it be jokes or slight touches, testing what he can and cannot do. regardless, he's there for you. no matterwhat. he might not be the best at communicating his emotions, or comforting your own. but he lets you know he's there, waiting with a free hug. as afriend or boyfriend. and if he gets to call you his husband? that's even better.

SUGURU GETO

꒰ suguru would also be someone who tries togive you space, but he just doesn't. like most jujutsu sorcerers do, he understands the pain of losing someone. and he knows what happened to himself after amanai's death. he never wants you to go through the same struggle he went through. so while he'l let you grieve how you do, he's paying close attention to and sticking to you, making sure youdon't decline. he'd do anything for you to make youheal correctly instead of just temporaryily stapling the wound like he did. whether that be sitting fully clothed in the bath with you, or being the big spoon and holding you for hours. if you just couldn't keepup with your hygiene like you used to, he'l cut your hair for you, help you brush your teeth. if you really need help bathing, he'll help with that too. he'll just remain extremely concerned for your wellbeing.

꒰ when i say watches you, i mean watches you. there's no "summer stress" excuse with him. (i think) he's one to be gentle with you, while be firm. he's not one to yell at you, but will use a stern voice to encourage you if need be. if you are one to have panic attacks, the first time it happened, it freaked him out. he pretty much didn't leave you after that. however, he learned how to calm you down, how to help. its hurts him to see such a strong man so ruined, and the curse that harmed your partner was by far one of the worst tasting ones. but no matter what, he'll hold you. your back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around you, encouraging you to take deep breaths, attempting to ground you in any way he could.

꒰ this experience is probably one where the two of you get closer. he'd never, push you too far, or even try anything intimate with you unless you let him. the farthest he's ever gone is maybe a hug that he got a nod of approval for. but if you need it, he'll cradle your head to his chest and likely hum to get you to fall asleep (something he used to do with nanako and mimiko). after a while, his humming isone of the only ways to get you to fall asleep. and he'll do it everytime without fail. suguru wants you, he does. and every night he hums to help you sleephe wishes he could hold you and kiss your foreheadhe wishes he could provide more intimate comfort, he wouldn't dare ask for. however, when your eyes bags start to disappear and your no longer looking as ifyour lugging around your limbs he finds the tiniest bit of hope. but no matter what, suguru is a man of consent. and he'll wait, and wait. carefully takingcare of you, treating you like glass, while hee ncourages you do things. he'll wait until he can finally hold your hand. the time suguru geto would wait for you never has a limit. he'll always wait for you, whether it be with a comforting hug or a kiss.

KENTO NANAMI

꒰ who better to understand you than him? kento nanami who lost his other half, Yuu Haibara, at the age of 16. he understands perfectly, which is why he doesn't leave you alone. if you explicitly ask for space, he'll give it to you. but otherwise, he's not leaving you be at all. he knows your a strong man, he's seen you fight. but nothing could break a man more than losing the person he loves. and he saw you lose your person and his heart broke along with yours. this man cannot stand seeing you sad ordepressed. the second he notices signs that go beyond the five stages of grief, he interferes. like suguru, he's one to be gentle while using a firm tone. he'll hold you like you're glass, but he'll also drag youalong to supervise gojo's students. he'll let you pour your feelinga out on him, but he'll tell you eat a quarter, then a half, then three-fourths, then the whole meal. he won't be aggressive, but he'll still be like.."eat" (gradually over time though! he doesn't want to push you that rough).

꒰ now he coped by being a workaholic, if your that type he has to dive into hypocrite mode and tell you to sit down for once. if you don't cope that way, but another negative way, he will do anything in hispower to stop you. if something he does in particular comforts you, then he'll keep doing it. he'll speak to you calmly, and let you rest your head on hisshoulder despite not being a touchy person. if need be he'll let you sleep over at his apartment and personally cook you breakfast. and despite how annoying gojo may be, kento does recognize that he often raises the atmosphere of the room to being more playful, so he does suggest hanging out with gojo and his students a lot.

꒰ now he's not an intimate person, and i don't think he'd ever try anything intimate with you. he understands that loosing a part of you hurts, and he would never accidentally hurt you by trying to be bold. he'salso not a physically intimate person. so yes, he does love you, so much. he'd do anything for you, but he'd never outright say or show it, especially after your tradegy. even years later, he'd likely not say much about his feelings. someone like gojo would have to convince him to say something to you or else he'l be stuck with the feeling unrequited love till the day he dies. but regardless, he respects boundaries and doesn't try to be as risky. if you don't like him, he'll have to deal with that. if you do decide to give it atry, he's literally ecstatic, but only in his head. he'll give you one his rare smiles and maybe hold yourhand.

YUUTA OKKOTSU

꒰ (OH GOD). yuuta's almost sharing the experience with you. he's re-experiencing what he went through, and he hates it. not that he would regret his relationship rika, but rather he hates that he has to experience you going through what he had to. hes so scrambly and worried. his mind is constantly running through different thoughts and how to help you. he likes you, so of course hell help you. but how? he gets anxious that he's bothering you, thathes making the process worse as he tries to stick toyou and let you talk about it him. (oh, its over for him if your an angry griever). regardless, yuuta has good ears. as in he's a good listener. he'd let you ramble, scream (he'd jump), cry, anything. he'd listen to youand validate your feelings. if you'llet him he'd carefully play with your hair and tell you he understands, he'l tell you how he'll do anything to help. i also think he's fantastic at hugs. to matter how jittery or anxious he may be, if you need a good hug and shoulder to cry on, he's right there.

꒰ when it comes to your physical health, he doesn't play. he's still kind of nervous when it comesto encouraging you. but if he starts to notic eeyebags, or loss in your weight (trust. hell notice), he immediately does everything in his power to help you. and he tries to be as happy as he can, thinking that maybe his happiness would eventually spread to you, or at least boost your attitude. he'd run to youwill a meal the both of you can share so you don't feel intimidating by having to eat a whole meal again, if you stopped. he'd suggest the both of you getting haircuts together if you let your hair grow too long. when it comes to stuff like that he suggets doing it together so you don't feel alone, so you don't feel like your terrible for letting this happen. if your hygiene got bad he'd never ridicule you or anything. yuuta would tell you its okay and like i said, offer getting haircuts for the both of you, offer getting clothes together, he'd try and encorperate your schedules together without being too pushy.

꒰ yuuta would be very nervous when it comes to the fact that he still loves you. the last time he was remotely in love with someone, he got hit by car and he accidentally cursed her. he's never really experienced healthy romance, or a a healthy life. he never really desired love, with the assumption rika would always come in between, preventing him from having healthy human interactions. but when it came to you, he's never wanted a relationship so bad. and he still wants you, but in understanding what its like to lose someone you love, he never pushes. he never tries to touch you too intimately or suggest intimate things. he's patient, he'll wait for you if he needs to. even if you don't like him like that, he'll always be available to you as someone you can go to for anything. he'd be in pain just like he was when you started dating someone else. but he knows its painful and hard to come back from losing someone so important. if you do heal, if you do want him like he wants you, he'd probably cry. but for right now he'll just remain someone you could trust and talk to.

꒰ n: repost from my original acc! i still hope i did this, and their characters, justice tho. ꒱

[runariya]

My Beloved Villain (JJK) • Chapter 6

pairing: hero!Jungkook x villain!female reader genre: dark romance, gore, villain!AU, hero!AU, slow burn rating: MDNI, 18+ warnings: DDDNE, foul language, denial, a little bit of fluff, drugging, detailed description of r@pe, blo0d, gore, punch!ng, carving, cum, anger issues, shur!ken, kick!ng, f!ghting, realisation, wishing of being d€ad, pls lmk if I forgot smth word count: ~ 4.2K

a/n: pls don't hate me—hate the characters instead 🙂

a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. Content errors related to med school are not excluded. Please do not use this story as your own. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕

prologue • 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • masterlist • 07

Two weeks go by, and with each passing day, you find yourself and Jungkook drawing nearer, though you had always believed, in the depth of your long friendship, that there was no further closeness to be gained. Yet still, there you are, sharing not just your days but, more often than not, your nights as well. There’s a certain way in which time fades into insignificance when you’re together, and though the light of day holds nearly no barriers for the way he maps your body, it’s the cloak of night that allows you to strip down more than just all of your clothes—it is there, in that twilight intimacy, that you feel you might finally be able to touch the entirety of his soul and him yours. He rearranges you completely in those moments, a cartographer of your flesh and spirit alike.

Taehyung, on the other hand, has had that difficult conversation with you far too many times to count—each instance his eyes filled with that same uncertainty, the struggle not only on his face but yours too as he questions whether telling Jungkook the truth, baring your past and present alike, is truly the right course of action. You’ve known for a long time it isn’t fair to leave Jungkook in the dark, not when this darkness is part of who you are, tethered to you in ways you sometimes wish it weren’t. It’s not easy to admit that parts of you have been moulded by decisions you never wished to make, paths you walked out of necessity rather than real choice. You can almost see how Jungkook might listen, his usual patient, understanding self—but with every moment you imagine his reaction, you also see him turning away, running when the truth becomes too much to bear.

And so, though you know you can’t be selfish in love—especially not when it’s him—each time you try to tell him, the words seem to stick in your throat like glue. You’ve tried so many times, only to falter at the last moment, unable to bear the idea of that carefree, incandescent smile slipping from his face. So, you promise yourself that you’ll tell him tomorrow, or maybe the day after. Always tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow, each new day bringing with it a fresh round of procrastination and a fresh wave of guilt for the secrets you continue to withhold.

Gradually, you convince yourself that your relationship hasn’t yet reached the point where it can withstand such a confession, blinding yourself to the reality that the beginning of love is precisely when such truths should come to light. And yet, deep down, you know you’re deceiving yourself, creating a shelter of denial in which you hide from the storm that must eventually break.

At the same time, you’re beginning to sense that Jungkook too harbours his own secrets. There are nights when he quietly slips away, his reasons vague and evasive. He doesn’t share everything, and you’ve noticed it. Sometimes, he avoids your bed, though he never quite admits why, sidestepping your questions with a soft smile or a gentle touch. It’s something you don’t press him on—those absences leave you with the solitude you need to focus on the darkness you still carry and use to scheme, to map out your next move, like a chess player preparing for the final play that will topple the board eventually.

Those nights, while Jungkook is elsewhere, you roam the shadowed streets and buildings around Dojin’s office, gathering information about him, timing Sangwook’s weakest moments too, plotting when and how both will fall. And sometimes, on those nights, you catch a glimpse of Pulse, who never comes close, but you feel his eyes on you, the burning of his gaze a silent threat to dare make a move. He watches from a distance, still a spectre lingering on the edge of your plans, and his presence haunts you—his gaze lingers on your skin and mind since two weeks ago, like a thorn embedded too deeply to remove.

But when the nights are spent in Jungkook’s arms, curled against his warmth, the world feels different—quieter, almost safe. You listen to his soft, steady breathing as he sleeps beside you, utterly unaware of the poison bubbling inside you. Yet even then, as his embrace cocoons you, your mind remains restless. You lie awake, feeling torn between two worlds, wondering whether the path you’ve chosen is worth the price you might have to pay. Are you wasting precious time revenging your beloved parents? Or are you, in some twisted way, moving closer to the freedom you crave?

You let yourself dream, if only for a moment, that perhaps the happy ending is simply the softening of your being, the ability to remain gentle despite the rough hands life has dealt you. Perhaps it is a calm nervous system, a peacefulness that cannot be threatened. Perhaps the happy ending is you moving on with Jungkook by your side, where you finally reclaim the love you’ve lost, but always wanted back. Perhaps the happy ending is you embracing change, is you going in the direction of the person that grows you and moves you and magnitates your spirit.

But even as you entertain that hopeful vision, a darker force pulls you back. It wraps around you like it’s one with you, refusing to let go, as though with every step you take towards Jungkook, it drags you back three. For every word of love he whispers to you, a thousand doubts rise in your mind. Each time he brings you to the peak of ecstasy, it only pushes you deeper into a chasm you fear you’ll never climb out of.

The silence that followed Chulsoo’s death—the way it was wiped clean from the media, hidden from view so as not to tarnish Dojin’s image—only served to feed the fire of your revenge. That burning desire for justice, or perhaps just for release, is still there, gnawing at you like an unquenchable hunger of thousand starved demons. And so, despite everything, you find yourself returning to your plans, hoping that, in the end, they will finally give you the salvation and freedom to carve out the future you so desperately desire with Jungkook.

And now, two weeks later, it’s all set. Every piece has fallen into place. You called in a favour with one of Seokjin’s IT specialists, a man who owed you a debt for helping his daughter years ago with her SATs. It was a small thing back then, but now, that kindness has ripened into something vital, something almost fated. He fabricated a message, making it seem as though Dojin himself had ordered Sangwook into a night shift at the office. You thought long and hard about how to exact your revenge, and the answer came to you like a whisper in the dark—a plan perfectly devised to balance the scales that tipped over so many years ago. 

So here you stand now, darkness flowing through your veins like it never has before, alive and pulsing and fatal. You’re in Dojin’s office, with Sangwook before you, drugged and unconscious in the chair, his head lolling to one side, bound by the anaesthetic you pilfered from the lab days ago. Everything is ready—the second scene has been set. And the only question that remains is whether, when the final scene comes to an end and all is said and done, will the path truly be cleared for the future you dream of with Jungkook by your side. But you lock that thought away, deliberately procrastinating again until your demon screams ‘action’. 

Sangwook hovers in the haze of barely held consciousness when your boot collides with his side, sending him sprawling to the floor with a graceless thud. His face catches the weight of the fall, and though a pained groan escapes him, you find yourself devoid of sympathy, feeling nothing but the cold resolve that fills the room like silent smoke. The office is as barren as you anticipated, a hollow shell of corporate sterility, its emptiness bearing silent witness to the reckoning about to unfold, a ghost of a place where no one will hear the echoes of what you are about to do.

“You know,” you murmur, your voice a dangerous lull that barely masks the venom beneath, “I saw you smiling while he raped her. Perhaps it’s time you discovered how it feels to be on the other side, hm?” You crouch beside him, your fingers ghosting over his cheek, now wet with drool and slack with stupor. His eyes, bleary and unfocused, swim beneath heavy lids, his breath a sickly rasp that rises and falls in broken stutters.

You kick him again, flipping him from his side to his stomach with the ease of someone handling dead weight. His groans are quieter now, more distant, but you pay them no mind. You’ve come prepared for this moment, the cable ties rigid in your hands as you bind his wrists behind him, securing them with an efficient brutality. Once the ties are tight enough, cutting into his skin with a satisfying snap, you shift his body once more, forcing his hips up so that he kneels with his face pressed into the cold, indifferent floor, his knees scraping against it with a dull sound. 

With a nudge of your foot, you spread his legs apart, widening the space between them as you reach into your hidden pocket and retrieve one of your shuriken. The blade gleams faintly in the low light as you slice through the fabric of his trousers and boxers, leaving his exposed ass an ugly, vulnerable thing that turns your stomach. You swallow the disgust, pushing it down, focusing instead on the cold fury that hums inside you like a living thing.

From another concealed pocket, you pull out an oversized black vibrator, letting it dangle in the air between your fingers like a grotesque trophy. You wave it lazily in front of Sangwook’s face, his glazed eyes flickering with some faint recognition. “Oh no,” you say, voice dripping with a mocking faux-innocence, “I think I forgot the lube.” You pout, a cruel smile twisting your lips that aren’t hidden by your mask. “Looks like history repeats itself more than I thought.”

You move back behind him, your heart beating calmly despite the anticipation of what you have prepared next. And with a force born of all the pent-up rage you’ve carried for so long, you ram the vibrator into his exposed asshole, not bothering with gentleness or care. 

The effect is immediate—Sangwook’s scream tears through the silence of the office, a visceral sound that cuts through the fog of drugs clouding his mind. His body convulses, buckling against the intrusion, but you press your hands into his hips, forcing him to remain in position as you reach for the duct tape from your pocket, securing the vibrator firmly in place. His flesh resists, bleeding around the object, the blood flowing freely, but you push it deeper still, the tape tightening until you’re certain it won’t budge.

The blood, the pain, his broken sobs—all of it comes together to create an image that stirs something dark and primal within you, something that has long been caged but now finally feels liberated. His pitiful sounds mirror the cries you remember, the cries that haunt you from this distant, unbearable night, and for the first time in so long, you feel a strange, twisted sense of peace begin to settle inside you. It’s a perverse kind of satisfaction, seeing him brought low, powerless, humiliated. His sobs fill the room like symphony meant for masses, and with every tear that falls from his face, with every tremor that wracks his body, you feel your breath coming a little easier, feel that demon within you finally soothe itself into something manageable.

You stand back, watching with a detached sense of curiosity as snot and tears pool beneath Sangwook’s face, mixing with the blood that drips steadily from his ass. His humiliation is complete—the blood, the shame, even his unwanted orgasm staining the floor beneath him, the fluids mingling into a sickening mess. He can barely withstand it anymore, and you sense that his endurance is nearing its end, the agony almost enough to make him pass out. Almost.

You step forward and rip the vibrator free from his body with a vicious yank, taking the duct tape with it, peeling away skin and hair in the process. The sound is gruesome, the ripping noise followed by another hoarse scream from Sangwook, his head lolling against the floor. The satisfaction swells inside you, filling the space in your chest that has long been empty, and for a brief, shimmering moment, it feels as though you’ve finally taken something back from the world that once stole everything from you.

But this isn’t the end—not yet. You can’t let this be another act buried by Dojin’s power, another silenced death hidden from the eyes of the world. So you push Sangwook’s slack body back onto the chair, his head rolling from side to side in drugged disorientation. You calculate the dose just right, ensuring that though his body is weakened, his mind remains painfully clear, aware of every agonising second.

“It felt good, didn’t it?” you mock, your laughter low and dripping with menace. You step closer, forcing his face upward until his dulled, tear-filled eyes meet your own, your gaze lifeless as steel. “You remember what happened after, don’t you?” His silence is met with a sneer as you push his face aside and reach for your shuriken once more, the blade glinting in your hand as you rip open his shirt, exposing the heaving rise and fall of his chest, every breath laboured and uneven. Blood still pours from the wounds you’ve already inflicted, but you don’t care. “But first, let me leave a note, yeah?” The blade hovers for a moment over his skin before you press it against him, carving deep, big letters into his chest with more force than necessary.

‘Father, don’t forgive them, for they know what they do.’

The blood spills over your writing, cascading down his body in thick rivulets, pooling once again on the floor beneath him, mingling with the other stains of his disgrace. You step back and admire your handiwork, feeling an odd, almost surreal sense of fulfilment as you gaze upon the wreckage you’ve created.

It feels like freedom—like the release you’ve been chasing for years. You don’t care if anyone else understands it, don’t care if Jungkook would understand. In this moment, the world shrinks to this room, to this man, to this beautifully orchestrated vengeance. And for the first time, you feel as though this is the right path, the only path that could ever set you free. You toss the bloodied shuriken to the ground with a resounding clang, the sound echoing in the hollow space like a final punctuation to this violent symphony.

And then, you strike—fist meeting flesh again and again, until Sangwook’s face is nothing but a pulpy mess of blood and bone beneath your knuckles. Each punch sends a wave of release through you, every hit drawing out the grief that’s lain dormant inside you for so long. Tears blur your vision, and you let them fall, unheeded, as you continue to rain down blow after blow, releasing years of pain in a single, savage outpouring.

But suddenly, the sound of faint movement is heard through your frenzy, and your instinct kicks in. You spin on your heel and release a shuriken in one fluid motion, sending it hurtling towards the intruder behind you. It misses its mark by a hair’s breadth, embedding itself into the wall beside Pulse’s head. He stands there, watching, his eyes wide with shock, his expression stricken. But despite everything, despite the violence, despite the blood, his gaze remains—soft, empathetic, as though he can still see something within you worth saving.

“What the hell do you want?” you scream, voice raw, feeling too close to madness, eyes narrowing at the sight of him standing there, his presence alone an irritant to your senses. The sight of Pulse—of this man, this moron—makes your blood boil with a heat that consumes every rational thought, every shred of patience you might’ve had left.

“You can still stop Stasis,” he says softly, his words slipping through the chaos like a breeze through fire, and there’s something infuriatingly calm in his tone that makes your fists curl tighter. “It’s not too late.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you snap, voice dripping with venom, “I don’t have time for your bullshit.” You spin back to Sangwook, channeling the surge of anger into your fists, striking him again—he groans, barely a sound escaping his bloodied lips, but it’s enough to quell the fire in your veins, if only for a fleeting moment.

“This isn’t the right way,” Pulse insists, his voice still thick with that maddening compassion, that softness you cannot bear to listen to any longer.

“Oh, fuck off!” you spit, turning back towards him, seething. “What the hell do you know about anything?”

“I don’t need to know everything,” he replies, his voice unwavering. “I only need to know that it’s not too late.”

“Not too late?!” you bark, flinging your arms into the air, exasperation dripping from every word. “Do you even hear yourself? Don’t waste my fucking time with this fuckery—go fetch some petty pickpockets if you’re feeling heroic.”

You start to turn away, fed up, ready to pour all your anger back into Sangwook’s trembling body, but Pulse’s voice hooks you mid-step, tugging at something inside you, and despite yourself knowing better, you pause, facing Pulse once more. He stands there, almost pleading with you, a figure so at odds with the carnage around him. “I can help you,” he says, voice much gentler now. “You don’t have to do this.”

A low, biting laugh slips from your throat, raw and empty, more like the growl of something wounded than the echo of any true amusement. “Help me?” you sneer, the corners of your mouth twisting into a cruel smile. “Oh, I’m doing just fine helping myself.”

“That’s not helping,” he says quietly, and there’s a softness to his words that feels like nails on a chalkboard, like he’s trying to pierce through the layers of darkness that have long since engulfed you. “If you could just—”

But you don’t let him finish. You spin around again, but this time something’s different. Something cold and sharp slashes through the air in your mind, halting you in your tracks. Sangwook sits still, the rise and fall of his chest no longer there, his eyes now glassy and fixed on nothing. It’s as though the world shifts beneath your feet. His wounds, they’ve finally claimed him, and you missed it—the exact moment when life left him, when that miserable soul slipped away.

“He’s dead,” you whisper, though the words are nothing more than a breath, laced with an anger so potent it seethes from your pores. The demon inside you roars with a feral intensity, its presence so loud, so overwhelming, you reckon the entire city must hear it. But your blood, it doesn’t run cold—not in the way people speak of fear or regret. No, your blood burns hotter than ever before, an inferno raging through your veins, pushing you beyond the boundaries of reason, of sanity, into a space where you never been before. 

“He’s dead!” you shout, the fury shaking your body and walls, vibrating through every nerve as you reach for your shuriken. One after another, you hurl them towards Pulse with reckless, unrestrained violence, each throw fuelled by the white-hot rage that blinds you to everything else but this freak standing before you. Most of them miss, slicing through the air uselessly, but one grazes his side, drawing blood and a sharp hiss from his lips. You see the pain flash in his eyes, but it’s not enough. “You fucking idiot!” you scream, voice cracking under the weight of your fury. “You had to ruin everything!”

You launch yourself at him, driven by that blinding fury, your body moving faster than your mind can comprehend. The force of your kick catches him squarely in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground, but Pulse—fuck him—manages to scramble back to his feet, dodging and deflecting every punch, every savage blow you aim at him and his stupid face. He’s skilled, a professional, and you can see that now in the way he moves with ease, with a calm that only makes the inferno within you rage hotter, more fiercely.

You land a hit against his face, a sharp crack against his cheekbone, and for a moment, his composure slips. His eyes narrow, the warmth in them replaced by a cold anger, a frustrated irritation that mirrors your own. And then, for the first time, he strikes back. His fist connects with the side of your head that makes your vision blur for a moment, but that’s all it is—a moment. You recover quickly, shaking off the dizziness, your lips curling into a smug smirk as you catch the flicker of disbelief in his gaze.

“Jealous it didn’t faze me?” you taunt, your voice dripping with poison ready to take him down, your breath coming fast and shallow, though you force it to remain steady, to keep the superiority alive.

“As if,” he growls, his tone clipped, though there’s a flicker of frustration behind his words, a crack in that calm façade he wears so well.

The fight escalates, a brutal dance of fists and kicks, bodies slamming into walls and furniture bruising you both more than the actual hits. He throws you around like you weigh nothing, a mere doll, but you hit back with equal force, aiming for his weak spots with precision born from years of knowing where it hurts most. You’re both panting heavily now, bruised and bloodied, but where his strength begins to wane, your twisted advantage of feeling no pain holds firm. 

“Give up Stasis,” Pulse gasps, his voice ragged with exhaustion, but still, there’s that damn plea in his tone, that maddening refusal to break.

“Never,” you spit, a wicked smile twisting your lips as you fling your last shuriken towards him. It grazes the edge of his face mask, slicing through the straps with a clean cut. The mask falls to the floor silently,  in slow motion, leaving his face exposed to the dim, flickering light of the room.

And in that moment, the world stops last. 

The air is sucked from your lungs as you stare at him, your heart plummeting into an abyss that you thought you’d already reached the bottom of. His face—his face is the face you know so well. A face you’ve kissed, a face you’ve held in your hands, a face that, until this moment, you believed belonged to someone pure, someone who hadn’t been touched by the darkness that now consumes you. Jungkook. It’s Jungkook standing before you, bruised, bloodied, and trying to stop you.

You take a step back, your limbs trembling with the force of the adrenaline still coursing through your veins, but more than that, they tremble with the force of your breaking heart. “No,” you whisper, barely audible, the word slipping from your lips like a plea to the universe itself. But Jungkook doesn’t hear it, or if he does, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t see the devastation in your eyes, the cracks forming in your soul as the reality of this nightmare sinks in.

“You’ve finally had enough, haven’t you?” he taunts, voice cold, cutting, as he steps towards you, uncaring that his mask has been stripped away. His steps are slow and menacing in a way you’ve never seen from him before.

You can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t seem to make sense of the world anymore. Jungkook—your Jungkook, your friend, your lover, the man who filled your life with light and warmth for years—is standing here as Pulse, the man who’s tried to stop you, to save you, from the path you’ve chosen. It breaks you, fracturing the remaining parts of your soul, and for the first time since your parents died, you feel as though you’re drowning all over again.

There’s nothing left to do, nothing that could possibly fix this, fix you both, nothing that could make the universe undo its cruel joke. So you do the only thing you can think of and what you should have done years ago—you run. You turn and bolt, fleeing from this nightmare, desperate to escape the truth that has gutted you so deeply you wish you had died with your parents. 

You run, hoping the darkness will swallow you whole before the pain can.

prologue • 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • masterlist • 07

a/n 3: hope you've enjoyed it👀 lmk what you think in any way you like! MBV-Game Part II:

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[ceofcatgirls]

Sergio Leone really loves to write his characters in subtle ways. I think really well shown with how the trio is named. Tuco is the only one who actually uses his real name, even the complete version at times. He doesn't hide his identity like Blondie nor does he let his work persona overtake him like Angel Eyes. It certainly makes him feel more authentic, and most importantly, more human, which is a theme surrounding his character. He isn't ashamed of his origins and who he is, which sure it can be a bad thing due to what he's done, but I think it adds to his character, and makes key scenes like the confrontation with his brother all the more emotional and poignant (especially specific lines in that scene, like when he said he had no option to 'opt out' like his brother did, and enforces the suggestion that his brother makes that their parents actually quite liked Tuco; itd thereby follow-up that Tuco has pride in his origins and thereby the names given by his parents. Perhaps they only had a strained relationship due to poverty? Or do I just want to find more socialist ideals in media I like??). And all that messaging is conveyed just through his name!

I think smth similar can be said with Blondie and Angel Eyes, just as a contrast. Which makes sense because they're meant to be more mysterious and supernatural. But the naming of these characters is also quite smart. Blondie is a name given by Tuco, which makes their partnership all the more intimate, especially since Blondie is only 'Blondie' when he's with Tuco. But ofc that indicates he didn't start out as Blondie, so despite the intimacy there's also a sense of mystery. Angel Eyes most likely got his name from his job since that's what outsiders, and people that hire him, call him by. It really goes to suggest how as mentioned above, Angel Eyes most likely stopped blurring the lines between his real persona and work persona. Which adds imo adds to the eerie vibe he has going on. Idk, there's a certain type of horror to a guy who doesn't let himself have no limits to what he's willing to do, to the point that it fundamentally changes him as a person. Which is shown by his actions, and supported by his choice of name.

Hopefully I made sense, idk how else to describe it. Unique names that tell a story aren't uncommon in fiction, but I think the naming choices in GBU are particularly interesting, and indicate what the character and their arcs will end up like.

There's definitely more that can be said (ie, Angel Eyes being called 'Angel' Eyes despite unambiguously representing a darker side of morality, how his alternative name Senteza also adds onto the "force of nature" theme Angel Eyes has going on, how it makes him seem less "bad" and more "neutral" in the sense that he's only acting how people deserve to be treated, and how that alt name can even be stretched to have divine meaning as God is often known as a "judge" that will bring judgment to mankind in the future, etc etc etc) but this is already far too long and it was meant to be a quick post

What's the tldr?....... its that I keep finding more and more reasons to have Leone as one of my fav directors. Will anyone ever cook as hard as he did?

[streamdotpng]

Okok, putting my thoughts here real quick so we have SOME form of legibility on the time line. Everything here is canon, if stated otherwise, ignore that

Streamer Enid au info:

Wenclair are 23-25 smth and they married at 18 right out Nevermore.

Enid or known as Endespair streams horror games to get over her queasiness over gore faster. She's known for being a simp for Wednesday Addams, proudly proclaiming that she is her wife. No one believes her and think she's a stan

She also has some experience being a stunt double and occasional minor actor known by word of mouth as Sin Addams.

Wednesday Addams is an author, director, actor, executive director-basically she's a badass idk what to tell you. Essentially, she's been traveling all over the place and working since she hit 19.

Bc of this, wenclair have been in a ldr bc the have been way too dependent on each other for so long and enid wanted to make sure they could grow as people first before going together.

She also is coming home to Enid the moment she finished writing her final book for a decade or so 'Lycoan Curse' bc she's finally done with projecting/processing all her trauma onto her books.

Wednesday Addams has written a total of six books. First five are known as the Viper series with Viper de la muerte being the Mc and told in first person.

First three is abt Wednesday's life pre Nevermore and the other 3 is the remaining 3 years in Nevermore.

Viper: Hyden truths is literally abt what happened with Tyler in season 1 but glossing over the love triangle. It introduces new characters, like the stunted werewolf roommate Helios

(Enid insisted in the pun in the title.. Also fun fact, if u just say the hel part of helios, it almost sounds like the command 'heel')

Viper: Snake in the grass is abt the stalker teased in the end of Hyden truths. More of Helios' werewolfness/instincts are shown and they grow closer. Viper learns to be more open and Helios showcases more of her culture to Viper. The stalker has made the two more sneakier, making sure to keep close and going through multiple pranks where the two nearly get severely harmed.

(it was around here that people started shipping imperial gold, not really expecting the underlying tension of two roommates taking care of each other's injuries and the intimacy of such actions)

Lunar Ecplise: Lycoan Curse is the first book that skipped the single POV streak Wednesday had. This time, it features a new perspective Helios' and it became a hit. This one was a rather girthy asf book, considering that it was written as either a standalone or a continuation of the Viper series.

It's also the movie/show? Idk tbh, it's still being decided. Its the book being adapted to a film/show that Enid and Wednesday star in.

Nevermore is known as Eden in the book. Despite it's rather heavenly name, it still looks edgy like Nevermore. it's more of an eden for outcasts yknow

Anyways that's it for now, ty for listening

[pridef0und]

smth smth dennis only left for north dakota for a few weeks but do you ever think abt how hard those few weeks must’ve been for mac? mac’s known nothing but dennis for YEARS. sharing his space with dennis, sharing his thoughts with dennis, sharing his love with dennis. yeah he has solid dynamics with the rest of the gang, but what he had with dennis was different. dennis didn’t just foster codependency, but also intimacy ( even in its most manipulative form ) in a way the rest of the gang didn’t. mac felt seen around dennis and dismissed around the gang, bc although dennis’s appreciation was always fleeting and applied masterfully, it was still there. years of being called annoying for being who he is by the rest of the gang ( and dennis too but yk ) but feeling safe in his little bubble with dennis when dennis actually enjoyed his company made it that much harder for him to let go. the rest of the gang moved on but he stayed there. he didn’t touch anything in the apartment, wanting to keep everything exactly as it was when dennis was around. he’d sit in the empty room that dennis once occupied, several bottles of beer deep, and wonder why he wasn’t good enough for the one person he thought saw him. he had nobody to watch his favorite movies with. nobody to nurture and care for. nobody to cling to. charlie had frank, dee was never an option and cindy was a thinly veiled replacement. the sex doll is funny haha and a big gag, but it’s the only way he could think of to be closer to dennis. staring at the doll’s vacant eyes and missing dennis’s murky blues. telling the stupid doll everything on his mind. pounding his fists into the stupid doll when it didn’t respond to his demands to know why. pressing his side against the doll’s and trying desperately to imagine warmth in the place of plastic. and then dennis just. comes back one day. out of the blue. and dennis stays, but mac has doubts every second of every day. the one person he thought he could be doubtless with proved to be just as fleeting as everybody else in his life.

[cartoonrival]

kakashi and ummmm spins wheel akane from r1/2

kakashi

i dont really talk about kakashi and theres not really a reason for that beyond i dont super have anything intelligent to say about him but i do really love him ToT i dont think he works BETTER as part of a dynamic bc that implies i dont care for him much on his own but i think his character shines BEST as part of a dynamic... in pt 1 he was one of the characters who most most emphasized how young the team 7 kids were and it makes me SICK it makes me sick seeing how much he loves them, the way he talks to them and about them like theyre really children and he cares about them so much and has loved watching them grow up and helping them train, i looove how the chidori becomes one of sasuke's signatures after kakashi taught it to him and how excited naruto gets about getting to train with kakashi again and how kakashi was disappointed at the start of shippuden that naruto and sakura werent as easily amazed by him anymore and he had them try and steal the bells from him again as a little welcome back exercise .... and when he watched the three of them defeat kaguya together he was thinking how much he loved them .... BWAAAAAAAA

and and. i think his relationship with guy honestly balances his relationship with the kids rly well because we get to see him as a protective figure with them but with guy he's talking to someone whos his age and on his level and who he's known for like 2 decades, obviously not to say he never lets loose or relaxes or is irresponsible with the kids but the way he is with guy and the childish competitiveness of their rivalry (which he acts like he's annoyed by but this is obviously not true) is just idk. i like seeing that other facet of him. i think the race through konoha that ended w guy giving him a bouquet was an anime original scene but idc it was so cute and i think it was lee and neji who said smth about them finally being able to have fun and let off steam or w/e. augh. yeah.

ALSO esp in the anime i love how noticeably his tone of voice shifts when he's talking to someone ranked above him when he's usually so nonchalant and casual its something something about how he used to be part of the black ops. idk idk i rly love him and i love how he has pretty distinct facets of himself that come out depending on who he's interacting with it makes him feel very real. he's laid back but on edge and kind and blunt. ill be honest though i dont care about the stuff w obito and rin im sick of that dead girl and that man whos still obsessed with her!!!! but its ok because i love you kakashi.

akane

SHES EVERYTHING .TO ME. as with all of r/2 i think her struggles with bisexuality (ambiguous) couldve been carried further and her martial arts abilities kind of fell off towards the end which SUCKSSSS AND MAKES ME SO MAAAAD but anyways. she gets a lot of hate for being a jerk BUT LIKE. YEAH? she's scared and angry all the time and doesn't know who she is and is afraid of who she is and everyone's telling her she's living wrong so she's forcing herself into a box where she doesn't fit because she's afraid of nonconformity and she takes that fear out on the person closest to her and the one person who might actually understand what she feels. because it is so scary to admit that you are not what you are supposed to be and intimacy and honesty are so much scarier than bullying someone who'll do it right back. she's been engaged at 16 years old and burdened with the expectation that she'll marry ranma and carry on the legacy of her father's beloved dojo, and now she's been thrown in to this situation where she is forced to confront her wayward sexuality head on and directly in front of her entire family.

will say though possibly unpopular opinion. i dont like transmasc akane reads .. i think shes cis. she has a tomboy thing going on (meaning characters (mostly ranma) make fun of her for being boyish and violent and she has an arc about cutting her hair and no longer growing it out as assurance of her own femininity even though she really prefers it short) but i dont think taking "this female character has some issues with not being seen as feminine enough because of her behavior/struggles with not tying her worth to how feminine she is" should be immediately taken as "this character is not a girl" because i think the potential for her gender nonconformity (esp in relation to her bisexuality) is just as valuable a theme, especially considering r/2 already has very potent transfem (ranma) and transmasc (ukyo) stories. idk "this character has some not traditionally feminine tendencies -> cannot be a girl" doesnt sit right with me. in any series other than r/2 it wouldn't bother me because people can take little tidbits of possible transgenderism as they'd like, but since the trans themes are already so potent in r/2 i tend to lean towards more realistic interpretations of the characters and i dont feel like "akane doesnt fit into traditional femininity and is therefore not [fully] a girl" is reaaally a win. expectations and gender roles are a huge theme in r/2 and i think its valuable seeing how they impact a cis girl as it is how they impact trans people in terms of determining what even MAKES someone a girl or a boy. is it what you wear? what you do? how you talk? these are genuine questions that r/2 asks and i feeeeel that transmasc reads of akane kind of respond to these questions in a really surface level way. this is the reason for the slash over the everyone else is wrong box. because not everybody thinks this and i know some reliable akaneheads (hi jordan)

[cacaitos]

tbh i probably wouldn't have finished fire candy if i hadn't deduced early on the author was a woman (the plans to cover lesser known women writing typical type seinen/shonen is going. as terrible as you would expect) and in another post i did mention the mixed shoujo/seinen visuals but i guess i focused on like more flowery aesthetics bishonen and stuff. algo guess i ignored to mention that it is pretty much the statement of the author to produce series (or erotica, at any point anyway) that's appealing to both demographics, intentionally.

not that im gonna expound lots on details either though.. (it's stilla bible tho)

i ignored to mention (just forgot sorry) in the short review that in yellow hearts, SA is a verry recurrent thing/part/context of the sex scenes (that i have to define are with the erotic intent). now even then, i don't think [SA, 'age gaps', guys w freudian-esque issues, etc] in this case at least, represent a kind of deterrent for a female audience in intent (regardless of how i feel about it). first bc those are still Very Frecuent Things in erotica more clearly demographically divided aimed and written at women anyway, and second because topics aside the author, as mentioned above, uses the language and form of shoujosei to indicate in an transparent way to emphasize so.

the female characters even in the, yk, Situations... seem to preserve a preocupation with prettiness and the impression of pleasure in their designs/expressions. in net numbers, yes, they are usually/majority of the visual focus of the sexual scenes anyway since it's a seinen (audience implicit), but it's not like i can give you a definitive distinction between what about it is [meant to be in intent] the Object of interest or what has an Self-insert quality.

***the abovementioned preocupations w pretiness etc seem to very pointedly to work under the aesthetic proclivities of shoujosei. at a point it isn't so much about what men/women want but that These XYZ elements straight up don't customarily exist in shonen/seinen and those void bridged by the shoujosei proper also customary structures of the portrayal of intimacy are what evidence the interest of being of a pleasurable quality to read to a female audience, intentionally.

the paneling at points shifts completely to that of an shojosei romance's manga, the use of halftones, textures, neg and pos space, composition; of a tenderness (eh...) and an emotional interest of the parties that for as much shitty horny seinen ive read i dont find ever being as present, like at all (not that im precisely complimenting YH either...). of couse that's speaking of the ones that arent SA; theyre all pretty equally explict and intense regardless, in an customary-shoujosei unlikely fashion, though.

in the men's department.. well, on pretty literal terms the story is about idk yakuza gang conflict or smth, there will be rock bands and whores in between that i guess. from the very beginning there will be a balance to mantain between the main male characters being a more traditional dark but youthful type of masculinity for an seinen story while also obviously being yk. bishonen (most of the main ones at least). pretty easy to discern intent with those elements i think. it also extends to the sex scenes: vaguely speaking the author has a leniency to make them more, expressive? sentitive? something like that; make them have slightly/noticeably more presence in frames, that makes the thing a speck less onesided (well, it's less frequent the older/less bishie/more traditionally masculine the character is, not that that's surprising).

lastly.. hmm.. despite the author being kind of apparently of a bl writer on the side (tho YH is completely straight), male homoeroticism is mostly kept on the side (one char mentions it) or it's expressed thru more conventional male-on-male bloodlust and violence, though limited to the individual than in pro of indicating any particular relationship between the parts. however, i think that keeping the motions of homoerotic violence w no textual outlet for it makes some of the male characters' sexuality interesting so far it's just as confused as the mixed language of shoujosei and seinen of above.

for one, it makes violence, for the seinen audience, sexual but in a slightly more unusual and/or uncomfortable way, for the genre at least. both because of a female audience in mind and how [the male characters] can serve to them in a shoujo fashion but also taking into acc BL fashions, ends up making them as much of the

[iheartfrogs1904]

I’M SO TIRED OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PEOPLE

I keep surrounding myself with people who just talk at me, who don’t see me as a human being and as an OBJECT, it doesn’t matter what gender at this point. If they need me or want me to fill the role they give me, they expect that and I do it because I expect reciprocity. Genuinely I know like three people that do that and two of them I’ve known for like two years max, they’re all really close though love those three MUAH. But ya, not saying anyone else out of the three does that but a SPECIAL FEW expect me to sit and let them talk at me, especially during EXAM week and then get mad when I don’t want to, like you are not the main character in my story, anyways. I seem to attract people who struggle with reciprocity on relationships, doesn’t matter platonic or romantic I just attract it and I’m so done. I’m SO OVER IT oh my god like how r u saying I’m the first person you opened up to in over a year and I haven’t even gotten a word in I’m SO TIRED. Like how are you going to say you care about me WHEN YOU DONT KNOW ME..?? But then he’ll turn around n be like “I’m a sensitive, empathetic person” like only when it comes to situations surrounding you. Why do I attract people who leave me on delivered for days, weeks even and then turn around like “I love you and care about you” as if you would say that if you didn’t want that emotional intimacy you think you’re getting from me or whatever role I fill for what you give me. Another thing, I love the excuse “I was sad :(“ okay then maybe say something or send something to make sure I know you’re like alive or smth? “I have adhd, it’s a me thing” I have a friend who has that and more and she still makes time, it’s not an excuse, you sound like Dream. It’s crazy how fast they disappear and forget about me when I give the same energy. Why do I attract people like this, it’s actually so draining like how do you not see how unempathetic and emotionally stunted you are?? And that’s coming from ME, someone who’s ranting on TUMBLR like Good GOD. I’m SO. Tired of caring and actually loving people who don’t EVEN UNDERSTAND the actual meaning of it because of how immature they are. I feel 55 and 10 at the same time when ranting about being annoyed at this.

Overall I changed the situation and I cut people off, I just wanted to rant about it because I’m still not over it like how’re u on this planet grown at 18 n acting like that, again, that’s coming from ME of all people.

Thanks love MUAH Xoxo

[mvalentine]

this is such a pure moment 🥺

[cybertronian-cupid]

Can I get a hc of a flirty reader and black arachnia from tfa? Reader is a humanoid alien that’s super similar to humans in stature and size but has more catlike traits like fangs and unnaturally colored eyes like gold or smth, maybe even feline ears and a much longer lifespan so they’ve known arachnia for a looong time. They started out as awkward bumping into each other every now and then but they might have gotten a bit more attracted to each other (reader especially makes it clear they’re into the hot spider lady) and they just,, keep showing up places to flirt with her? Kinda like “hmu whenever you feel lonely, huh?” Teasing type. Could be nsfw if you can! I’m feeling gay in this Chili’s tonight. Thanks for writing you guys ❤️

This is our first alien reader and anon, they were a treat to write!💥 There are a few suggestive hcs, but nothing outright specific. Thanks for being patient!~Gregoria🏩

............................. ....................... ............................

Blackarachnia first stumbled over the reader when she was trying to find a way off of an abandoned planet where her “borrowed” ship broke down.

Yes, she actually stumbled over them. They managed to creep up close enough without her noticing, and she nearly squished them when she turned around and took a step.

"You know, I don't usually make others fall for me before a few dates."

Despite the annoyances and the alien’s insistent flirty comments - that she initially mistook as jokes at her expense - she agreed to take up their offer of company, since they mentioned they'd be getting "beamed" soon.

They parted ways at the docking area of the closest space station, with them handing her a small piece of paper with scribbles on it.

Their ear flicked when they tapped their temple twice, in the universal "Call me", and she couldn't tell what those two slow blinks were for.

She decided to not dwell on it, and crumpled the paper as soon as she was out of sight.

She met them again a few months after, on a nearby asteroid. She was working as a bouncer for some small cheap organics bar, and they came stumbling through the door, seemingly looking for someone. When they noticed her, a tipsy grin spread over their face and they offered to pay for her drink. Her shift was over anway, so she took them up on it.

The drinks were decent, and after the tipsy feline understood that the spider lady isn’t in the mood to be called cutesy nicknames, the night turned out to be pleasant. Especially with the bill she racked up.

The run-ins of the like seemed to become a staple over the decades; Black Arachnia would eventually find her way to a different planet, take up a shady job or steal enough money to lay low for a while, and the alien would somehow cross her path again. They’d drink, chat, flirt and eventually she started to consider the offers for a good time.

Granted, the amount of patience this pussy cat had was admirable, and the guts it took to figure out how to pleasure a hissing half-spider half-machine even more so once she said yes.

It was a night to remember, and Black Arachnia frequently rewatched those recordings. More than once she caught herself tracing the areas where the shallow scratches once were, and wondered how it would feel to have their fangs pierce the softer pieces of her protoform.

It was much much later that their paths crossed again, and it would be a lie if BA didn’t acknowledge the relief of seeing they were still alive. Some drinks, some teasings and, well... She made sure to leave her number for them to find in the morning.

Once she joined the Decepticons they lost contact - mostly due to her reluctance to put them in harm's way. They were the closest she considered a friend since the incident, and her conflicting feelings in regards to that and the intimacy wasn’t exactly helping.

Even so, she kept a close look on her comms, waiting for a cheeky message and itching for coordinates of any nearby planet the Decepticon ship passed.

[azucanela]

being zuko’s s/o would include hcs?

BEING ZUKO’S S/O [GENDER NEUTRAL!READER]

BEING KORRA’S S/O | BEING SOKKA’S S/O

SUMMARY: being zuko’s s/o from the confession to the weddin’ [say this but make it rhyme the way those singers do ya know]

WORD COUNT: 2.5k

WARNINGS: kissing, very mildly implied nsfw, soft zuko, a dragon

A/N: these are gonna be extensive bc there is no scenario but if you want whole fics there are like 6342 zuko fics coming since everyone is a zuko simp. also wow this is really long um i hope its what you wanted!

GETTING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

you guys have probably known each other a long time, because homebody does not fall for just anyone, so if you become the object of his affections, you better feel HONORED. hehe honored 

i feel like it takes him a lot of time to actually accept his feelings for you are beyond platonic. the main reason he falls for you is probably your consistency in his life since thats something he tends to lack. like his mom? gone. his dad? kicked him out of the only place he ever knew. his life is filled with major changes so if you guys have known each other since childhood then consistency is key

once he realizes he likes you he kinda panics because what if you don’t accept him? what if you leave? even worse, what if you leave because he likes you? so now he’s panicking, and naturally, as one does, Zuko avoids his problems. You, being the problem. And his emotions, but he is in denial so

definitely talks to his uncle about the two of you A LOT, especially when he is first figuring out his feelings and trying to figure out what to do about them

his uncle is an elite wingman, constantly tries to get the two of you to be alone in the same space or get information out of you in regards to you

when it comes to confessing i can see a few situations

situation one is that zuko confesses completely by accident, freaks out, disappears, avoids you even more, like homie is a mess. after you get fatally injured, or maybe when he thinks you are asleep, or he just kinda blurts it out in conversation when you guys are doing something domestic. regardless, it is entirely by accident, and now zuko is freaking the heck out. 

“i really like this tea.”

“i really like you.”

“excuse me-”

“i goTTA GO FEED MY DRAGOn Y/N!”

“you don’t have a dragon!”

so that’s how zuko gets his dragon from LOK, storytime over

you kinda have to find him and get a word in before he runs off because he is really scared of rejection, he doesn’t want you to leave and assumes that if the situation is never addressed then you can’t leave woohoo problem solved. 

his uncle yells at him lol

when you corner him you gotta confess super fast and handle his anxieties because he is super worried about you hating him now even though it is the opposite. 

“please don’t leave me.”

“i’m not gonna leave my boyfriend.”

“your- your what?”

“we are dating now. i like you, you like me, so we are dating.”

situation two is equally chaotic, but far less dancing around the feelings since you confess! congrats! you have more balls than me! im so proud! good job bb!

when you confess, its probably late at night, a comfortable silence between the two of you, or maybe he’s ranting about something, like how dumb the concept of tea is idk. regardless this is DOMESTIC, so it’s soft and cute and you are just like you know what screw it this nerd is so easily flustered by me maybe he likes me back! look at us cuddling like a couple! might as well make it official!

zuko.exe error, not working

you broke him good job. 

he externally panics and internally congratulates himself while panicking. he is very shocked you feel that way for him because he is an oblivious boy. 

“honestly, i don’t understand why my uncle likes those flavored water leaves so much-”

“i don’t understand why i’m in love with you.”

“WHAT.”

if y’all were cuddling on a bed or smth he THROWS YOU OFF BY ACCIDENT SKJDHJFHKHWJKF oopsie, he just gets up so quickly that you kinda go tumbling.

homie literally asks you why so naturally you gotta start listing all of these reasons why because hes like perfect and beautiful and yeah we all love him a lot :D marry me zuko <3

you gotta give him a hot minute to process all the information you just gave him, he is in shock for a short while, kinda just sitting there confused. once it gets through his thick skull that you like him he’s gonna thank you 💀

then he’ll ask you how you wanna handle this and boom you have a boyfriend now good job! 

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

dating during a war is hard so when y’all first start dating, probably towards the end of the war when he finally joins the Gaang, its gonna be really chaotic and you guys are still gonna be sorting through everything, like what kinda couple do you wanna be? neither of you know

kisses are rare during this time, especially since zuko is a generally private person who doesn’t really do PDA much, especially since he wants to avoid teasing and judgement from others. he’s a real people pleaser at the end of the day, he literally spent three years of his life looking for someone the world thought just disappeared permanently because he wanted his dad’s validation.

when you two do kiss, it tends to be a night in your shared tent, even then Zuko is weary of Toph’s seismic senses.

his kisses tend to be soft and sensual, he really just wants to take his time and enjoy it. however, bb does have a temper so you can expect some spice on occasion when he gets frustrated.

this comes later on in the relationship, once the war is resolved, but that just brings about new problems! like having to deal with the new fire lord who is always busy as your boyfriend!

especially at the beginning, when he’s newly crowned and everything is busy and new and he’s struggling with being organized, he rarely has time for you. however, you are likely his right hand, main advisor, general, whatever your area of expertise is he will find you a position in the castle, unless you tell him you want to stay out of politics. though, deep down, he wants to give you a position so he can spend time with you

once things calm down and he’s got being fire lord in the bag, he starts blocking in time during his day to actually take you out on dates and stuff

at one point just disappears for the whole day with you and everyone thinks he’s been kidnapped until they realize you aren’t around either

that’s not very responsible of you guys smh you have a nation to run 

is soft with you, though zuko’s temper definitely lessened when he became Fire Lord, but it no doubt shows itself sometimes, but never with you

well need your assurance sometimes because he gets insecure

like why is the beautiful amazing intelligent woman dating me i do not understand what the heck why have you not left me yet

knock some sense into him

also gets worried that he is a horrible ruler and wants you to tell him that he in fact does his job very well

did you forget you helped end a war zuko?

kiss. his. scar. give him love, its one of few physical parts of himself that he is insecure about and if you kiss him there he might start crying because wow intimacy didn’t know what that was

speaking of intimacy, he is a touch starved boy so when you start giving him love do not stop, never deprive him of cuddles he gets grumpy

lol play volleyball with him

very domestic??? like his parents highkey did not like eachother so now he just wants to hold your hand, lay with you in the morning, wake up to your pretty face, and just cuddle with you while you read aloud 

overall you two are a power couple and zuko simps for you 25/8 you rule as a team and he values you and your opinion VERY much, tries to take you out as often as he can despite his VERY demanding job, and expresses his love to the best of his ability

MARRIAGE N STUFF

zuko took the throne YOUNG he was like 16, so he is not proposing until y’all are at least adults, but i imagine that he is probably gonna wanna date you for like at least three years before proposing

he wants to make sure you are there to stay even if you’ve been around since childhood

there are two ways he is gonna propose here

situation one is where he kinda just does it,,, randomly? like out of nowhere he realizes that w o w he wants to marry you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and dedicate everything to you because you are HIS forever person

so he’s kinda just laying with you in the morning, nice soft kisses here and there, will not let you leave the bed and you are definitely complaining, especially if you have a position in the palace and need to get to work

regardless its a soft moment, there’s light filtering in through the window in your shared room, and its shining on your face, and yeah you are lowkey a mess because its the morning but you are just,, so,, beautiful??

and you start telling him about your plans for the, playing with his hair and stuff, and he’s listening to his heartbeat when he breaks from your hold and looks up at you and is just like

“marry me.”

“we also need to feed your dragon- wait what”

you are kinda just in shock for a moment, so you sit up and look at him, mouth gaping open like

“are you serious?”

he suddenly realizes he doesn’t have a ring and it is 7AM in the morning and it is not the best time for this

“...yes”

now you are laughing, falling back onto the pillows, and maybe there’s a tear in your eye as you nod rapidly, “okay, yes.”

now you are thinking of the fake story you are gonna tell people when they asked how he proposed because you are NOT saying it was in bed at 7AM while you were looking like a whole mess

“yes? yes as in yes you will marry me? are you serious?” 

such an idiot, but he’s cute its okay

you kiss him and its passionate and adorable, and he kisses back but he quickly breaks apart and is like “you’re sure? because i don’t have a ring-”

“how have you successfully run a country.”

“good thing you are gonna join me on the throne i suppose.”

“oh my god you’re right-”

“you aren’t reconsidering are you?”

“NO.”

have fun being the fire god woo

now y’all go back to making out and traumatize whatever advisor comes to check on you because they’re like where are the people who rule this country??? 

situation two is where he has been carrying around the ring for MONTHS but is looking for the perfect time to propose because you are perfect so this must be perfect

he couldn’t sleep and in the middle of the night he was like WELP I WANNA GET ENGAGED and kinda just decided he was gonna marry you

since you were asleep he couldn’t ask you right then and these

confides in the gaang and everyone is super excited

now he’s been walking around with this ring for months and what is he supposed to do now oh god

the gaang is like stop procrastinating bro, just ASK HER, and hes like NO IT NEEDS TO BE PERFECT

they help him set up the palace courtyard and make it all nice, there are lanterns, and candles, and a path of rose petals, and this time around he does have a ring so yes its great

he’s like hey let’s go for a walk! and you’re like okay??? lol

so you two are walking around the palace, holding hands, when he leads you to the courtyard and you are just like DAMN this is romantic AND pretty

“i think we are interrupting Zuko let’s leave”

“what do you mean interrupting-”

“well someone clearly put in a lot of effort!”

“that someone is me!”

:O

its not that he isn’t romantic its just that he’s never done something like this so now you’re confused

“did i forget our anniversary?”

“no.”

NOW you understand, looking around, you turn back to him to find that he’s on one knee, you two are in front of the pond with the turtleducks and wow it must be raining why is there water on your face? haha...

he tells you he loves you and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and how he hopes he never loses you because you are just so vital to his life and his being and everything he’s done to make this world a better place has been for you and damn zuko you wonder if he got possessed

obviously you agree

and obviously something goes wrong

when he stands you tackle him with a hug and you two fall into the pond

oops 

the wedding[disclaimer: i have never been to a wedding so i do not know what happens in weddings, feel free to educate me pls] is either REALLY intimate and private, or really big and stuff, since you gotta go through that whole coronation process now and like public weddings n stuff

no matter what his uncle is the one who walks you down the aisle.

change my mind.

you cant. 

the intimate one is almost similar to eloping, probably happens in the court yard where he proposed, and you are wearing a AMAZING outfit, whether its a tux, an amazing dress, a jumpsuit, you gonna look FIRE

hehe fire

anyways it’ll probably be the people who fought with him in the war, the gaang, the white lotus, kyoshi warriors, maybe a few others, 

its a really nice ceremony, and the courtyard is decorated so beautifully, though Zuko considered putting a fence around the pond considering what happened when he proposed lol

if its a more public wedding, then its going to feel like the entire Fire Nation came to watch y’all get married, much more flashy, there’s a band performance, a banquet, y’all gotta use the ballroom so that everyone can dance 

kinda nerve wracking ngl

regardless, after you two get married nothing really changes because you always acted like an old married couple, and even as the other ruler of the fire nation, you always had an important job in the palace so its kinda just the same but more official

its a vibe

moral of the story is zuko is a simp for you and your marriage is mutual simping, that is all

A/N: i kinda went off ngl, also im about to hit 200 followers and i feel as though i should do something special so i am taking suggestions pls

taglists[lmk if you wanna be added or removed :D]

zuko: @shawni-h @lil-lex1 @boxofteenageideas @izzieserra @eridanuswave @bigbuckyenergy @outerxorbit

permanent: @chewymoustachio

[mihai-florescu]

i’ll give you a basic run down of my understanding of attachment styles. im not a professional i just read an article once fjdksjshs

secure: you understand healthy relationships and crave intimacy a normal amount and its because your parents were attentive to both your physical and emotional needs

anxious: fear of abandonment which tends to come off as “needy” or “clingy”. your parents or caretakers were inconsistent with their attention meaning their love and care could usually be withdrawn at any moment

avoidant (me 😔): you fear any kind of emotional intimacy with anyone. that means you dont want people to know you and you dont have much interest in knowing others either. chronic independence. and its because your parents catered to your physical needs but were dismissive and ignorant of your emotional ones.

and then fearful-avoidant or disorganised: its the least studied so they dont understand it as well. despite the fear of intimacy and closeness with others you still desperately want to be loved and intimately known which creates a paradox. because its not as well researched they dont know the exact causes but they guess neglectful or abusive caretakers and being brought up in an environment in which there are no real displays of what healthy relationships look like and there tend to be a lack of or an extreme amount of boundaries. again, its a lot rarer so they havent studied it as much but yeah

Well now im even more confused. I think disorganised bc both anxious and avoidant Make Sense but like. In phases. Like i'll get obsessed with being close to someone and then smth in my brain will switch and i'll stop texting them or want to see them, then rinse and repeat the motions, with the same person even. Its fine cuz my friends tend to work the same way but i think it comes off as fake or flakey to people who've never experienced this

[prometheanglory]

💀 👹 💘 for chase and vinh

as a fore note, this got…. Long. Very Long. i blame the sins (and subsequent need for a sins analysis and how it related to them). i cannot stop thinking or writing once i have the chance to analyze smth. it’s very heavy burden... 

💀 If they were one of the 7 sins, what sin would they be?

chase: i feel… the sin of pride is more than fitting for chase! we best recognize pride as something born of arrogance - and the crime within pride and arrogance is the exaltation of the self. in a more pious context, this is immoral because it means that there is an existence that worships its own authority rather than honoring that of God’s. 

now, if you’ve spent enough time on my blog, you’ll pick up that i enjoy a good deal of casual blasphemy and desecration of the sacred. not in the scope of “ooh 😭 Gods (and all subsequent metaphors of authority) are so cruel and evil...!!!” i just think it’d be better suited to stagrove (and ultimately chase’s) narrative and tone if we were to leave it as an overall feeling of “who cares”. 

it’s in that rejection of authority, the nonchalant and complete disregard of any recognized prestige that we find the root of chase’s pride. the arrogance is born of no gods, no kings, no laws; the way he exists is in a very self-centered universe that gives the cold shoulder to anyone who he has already deemed a lost cause and undeserving of his respect or acknowledgment.

There is no one who could ever rank below him, but there remains the undisputable fact that he will never hold anyone above himself. he is the authority, he is the pawn (and everything else between) — that’s the exact standard that he holds everyone else to too.

aint no gods to heed your prayers, no saints to hold your hands, and nobody else capable of carrying the weight of your own shit quite like yourself — the most reliable presence that you have is yourself, and yourself alone.

vinh: honestly? i feel that her sin is lust. not in the scope of sexuality and fornication, but closer to the idea that was presented in the Septuagint (and some other versions of the Bible), in which lust is presented as a sin of ‘desire’. it’s a concept i like to play around with vinh a lot, mainly with the intent of deconstructing the premise around fire as a very 'devouring' force! before i go any deeper tho, there is the presence of the seven virtues to keep in mind — specifically, the parallel to lust being chastity.

i don't particularly aim to make a narrative around the immorality of chastity and the exoneration of lust, but there is something to be considered in the way that it does create a conflict between the idea of 'satisfying a desire' vs 'has no desire'.

vinh's sin is that she has a hunger... an active and great need (and subsequent want) for duty, dignity, and security... she craves intimacy, responsibility, and whatever else she can get her hands on…. and she refuses to let herself derive any satisfaction from it…. bc to know satisfaction is to know desire…. 🙈

the fire that cannot open its maw, the fire deprived of the ability to consume despite the hunger that haunts it…. the sinner that cannot stomach the existence of nor satisfy her lust because she is still trying to live in the shadow of the virtuous maiden who has never known craving….. the presence of lust.... it is elevated to higher status just bc of how much effort goes into trying to repress it... 🤤

👹 How much patience does you OC have? Are they patient? Or are they easily irritable?

chase: teeeechnically he's very patient? depends on how you want to frame it, because he's willing to wait as long as it takes to achieve and perfect his goals; he'll wait around forever for his dorm mates, his friends, and his family - he's got all the time in the world for those two things! however that same sentiment can't really be said for strangers, other dorms, and... well. you know. people he just can't be bothered to acknowledge. i wouldn't say that he gets irritable, but he does get very brusque and probably cuts it short if it's really feeling like a waste of his time.

vinh: patience might as well be her middle name at this point, because there's really no contest to just how willing she is to wait (and how capable she is of waiting). in my brain, she is the very best example of yielding... the imagery of a sitting dog, you know….. obedient and watchful for the command of when to heel... not that she's itching to jump up and dash after anything. she's always been one to wait more than she honestly should. if anything, it’s second nature to her to wait.

💘 What kind of person is their ideal type?

chase: his main concern is whether or not they’re overly-pushy, because something that will irk him endlessly is to constantly have his privacy invaded, to be constantly prodded, or routinely knocked around. i think he definitely would still be pretty interested in someone who’s more ‘spirited’ tho. not that they have to be charging out the door and screaming at every opportunity, but considering how chase himself is a pretty lethargic guy — he appreciates the extra energy. if he had to sum up his ideal in a sentence though, it’d be along the lines of someone who can be on the same page as him (and usually is on the same page as him) but ultimately isn’t afraid to go and do their own thing, with or without him. he appreciates independence! individuality! gutsiness! and an overall sense of consciousness and hardiness!

vinh: as much as she would like to say ‘anything is fine’ for her ideal type, the truth is that she is a very, very reluctant person and the thing she needs most in a relationship is security. not that she wants to always be heavily doted on, but it takes… a lot to get the message through to her that there isn’t something innately wrong or unsatisfactory about her performance as a partner. someone who can maintain her trust and she doesn’t feel particularly daunted by having her full faith in their word alone — or maybe just someone who accepts her weakening heart and waning resolve, but cares for her puny reality either way. that’s her ideal, not that she’d ever actually acknowledge it or say it out loud tho. however she will admit that she greatly appreciates someone whose lead she can follow.

[jayflrt]

this is a lil heavy :( im sorry lice

why is it that every time a guy seems interested in me , the first thing i want to do is show why thats a bad idea or like, reject him on the spot. its just.. ive got the idea that love isnt smth that happens to me and anyone to ever do that (romantically) doesnt know me. i feel like if i dated, id always be wearing a cover around myself showing my best likeable parts only, or that id drive them away when i open up. at the same time,im also unprepared to bear the weight of them opening up, because im very bad giving advice/ sympathising. really ppl always said i was heartless for it, but some days i just dont have it it me, im always exhausted. the environment i was raised in also never gave me words of afffirmation/ listened to me so if thats like,,, expected of me id do a terrible job and make that person have wrong ideas.

and then there's expectations of stuff in anniversary, monthsavery, birthdays, and the whole process of getting toknow soemone, or being KNOWN by them that sounds so uncomfortable and excruciating i always fear that one day i may decide i dont want to love this person anymore and leave. i will say "its not you its me" and it will be true but nobody will believe me . in fantasies, yes its nice to be able to love and be loved, but in irl i just dont think i have it in me. maybe its the inexperience and it will go away. maybe it will forever be a part of me.

am i comfortable with being single ? yes ofc ive done so all my life.

does it get lonely? always. but i may be viewing love thru rose-tinted glasses more than i should, which is why anything realistic is scary.

p.s. i really do feel bad breaking his heart hes fr posting sad lyrics on his instagram stories. its a shame he was really cute and funny but...

it could be that you’re just not ready to date and that’s perfectly okay !! pushing people away is also sometimes a defensive mechanism to avoid intimacy and protect yourself from getting hurt, and i get it too bc falling in love + dating can be scary 🤧 and i also understand the environment with no words of affirmation bc i don’t think i’ve ever heard my parents say i love you ?? LOL but it is all the more intimidating to hear it from others bc of that. it’s also hard with lack of experience bc you don’t know what to do when you get to that level of dating someone and forming a serious relationship so you avoid getting to that stage overall 🥲

being in a relationship IS draining so don’t beat yourself up over feeling like you don’t have it in you right now !! it’s a lot of work and commitment and a great experience for ppl who feel like they’re ready for that first step and put in the work, but there’s never any rush to be ready and vulnerable with someone !! honestly it’s hard for me to imagine spending the rest of my life with someone ,, but that’s probably because i haven’t gotten to that point in my life yet :’)) i thought the same about graduating high school and going to college but yk here i am 😳

i think once you’re with someone you love you’ll be able to alleviate these worries !! i know you’re worried about falling out of love and leaving them, but those are situations that couples would talk through and work out. i’m not saying it’s gonna be all rainbows but yk you won’t have to just say “it’s not you it’s me” you’ll be able to have a full discussion about it and talk it through with your partner ♡

right now it’s maybe best to focus on other relationships in your life like your friendships !! starting to become vulnerable in those might prepare(??) you more to open up to a potential partner in the future !! :’)